God or imaginary friend?

There is this gnawing thought that my subconscious been dodging for a few weeks now. It keeps clawing at me, trying to get my attention and I keep averting my eyes so that I don't have see it and consequentially, don't have to deal with it. The thought being this: What if there is no god? I've know for a while now that the main reason I believe in god is that I like the idea of there being a god. I like that there's someone out there that maybe cares about me. I like the idea of never being alone. I like the idea of someone knowing every thought that goes through my head and completely understands me and how I work. But to be honest these are the same reasons that drive a child to make up an imaginary friend. Sometimes I feel like that's what God is to me; an imaginary friend. Maybe it's the way I've come to see him. Somewhere along the line I defaulted to believing that he can't really effect much or offer anything beyond understanding, mental company, and vague comfort when I'm in need of it.

I've been raised from birth to see the world through the filter of "there is a god". Conversations, songs, sunday school, baby books, my entire upbringing has always been saturated with this tint of god-ness. I was driving the other day and had a moment where I could see the world without a god. It was almost as if the entire world shifted slightly so that it shone in a new light. It was simple, straightforward, and somehow painfully shallow with out some grand master plan guiding everything. It was also lonely because in that moment of paradigm shift, i was alone. No one was there listening to my thoughts. No one was there judging me, but no one was there comforting or loving me either. For a moment the world was clean and brilliant and clear and cold and big and it has bothered me since.

The fact that I see god as this imaginary friend has somehow become unbearably and glaringly obvious since that moment and I don't really know what to do about it. It kind of feels like looking at an old doll and wondering if you should toss it or if it will return to the life and wonderment that it did in your childhood. I don't want to loose my faith. Like I said, I like the idea of there being a god. It's just that for the first time, that reason feels like it's not good enough.