I tend to have weird existential dreams. Here's the one i had last night:
I was a criminal mastermind, caught, and being driven to where i would be put to death by electrocution. (Analyze that one freud!) I was keeping my composure, determined to stay cool and collected till the end, until the car turned the corner to the building where i was going to be put to death. To the right of me was a field of yellow wild flowers, and to the left, the cold stone building. Suddenly, all in one moment, the realization of death hit me. In a few moments, I was never going to see anything again. I would never feel, never smell, never breath, never think, I was never going to exist again. It paralyzed me. A cold sweat swept my entire body in an instant and I braced myself to keep from collapsing as pure, unrestrained, unescapable terror gripped me down to the deepest part of my core. A fear deeper and more real then i have ever felt before. The driver in the front seat asked me what was wrong and i looked up, regained my composure, and replied: "Nothing." And the car drove on. And the dream ended.
I always thought i would be ok with nonexistence . That i would welcome the idea of death being nothing more then the end of it all. No heaven, no hell, no anything. The atheist's paradise. Just dreamless sleep. But now that i know what that prospect feels like, it's one of the most terrifying hells i can think of.
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A close friend of mine (an athiest bordering on agnostic) once told me this was his greatest fear: that when you die, there's nothingness. Sounds like a scary dream. Yellow flowers vs. cold stone building, I wonder what that's all about.
It's funny, i always figured that atheists would be more at peace because they knew exactly what life and death were. I guess not though.
And yeah, I thought the yellow flowers vs. stone building were interesting too. And even more interesting that this was what triggered my reaction. It was kind of the ultimate contrast of life vs. death.
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