A few weeks ago i had coffee with a friend of mine who believes in god and the sovereignty of the bible, but has renounced god because he hates him and thinks god is mean. We were joined by his friend who is an atheist, and his sister who believes that god is the answer to everything and will take care of you if you just do everything he commands. I stat back and sipped my drink as the siblings argued over who was right and the atheist laughed at them for caring in the first place. I'm no debater, and i don't like to argue this kind of thing, so besides a comment every now and then I mostly just listened. And through the arguments and exasperated hand motions and sighs, something became apparent. No one cared about Jesus. No one even bothered to mention him. This bothered me because i had always liked Jesus, and I realized that through this big mess of my quest for god, Jesus had been my one saving grace. He was the reason i couldn't just dismiss Christianity. His complete grace and love for me was the one and only thing i trusted. Infact, all of the qualities I've been able to attribute to Gregory, were really just the one's I've always liked about Jesus. His joy, love, sorrow, how much he cared about me and would be beside me even when life hurt. As the weeks went on, it sunk in that some where along the line, i had found some faith. Faith that Jesus was good, and loved me, and the odds were that God was a lot like that too.
I don't know about heaven, i don't know about hell, or most of what is truly right or wrong in this world, or any other type theology, but i know that Jesus cares about me. I think I'll always believe that. And I really hope that's a good enough starting point.
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9 comments:
I often find my faith to be like a little stone I keep in my pocket. Sometimes I know it's there, and it's comforting. Sometime I don't remember that I have it, but it doesn't really go anywhere - it's just tiny and hides easily in the fold of my pocket. Sometimes I happen upon it by accident, and I'm pleasantly surprised by the rediscovery.
Somewhere in the Bible Jesus said, "If you've seen Me, you've seen Gregory." Or something like that! ;)
Malegra - haha, that's cute!
Sarah - haha! yeah, I think I've heard that one. Just never made any sense when i compared Jesus with the god that people were teaching me about.
Most of the time we make things far more complicated than they really are.....I think you are in just the right place in your journey with Jesus.
I think Jesus is the only starting place. When I was in college I took a philosophy class about "the historical Jesus". It's kinda funny because it was meant to deconstruct his life, and while there were definitely some interesting challenges raised, I came outta there really knowing that this Jesus character was for real. A year later when I was ready to chuck the god I grew up with out the window, I remembered Jesus. I held onto him. And I realized that the god I didn't like wasn't the real God. The real God was, like you said, a lot like Jesus. Not this distant father we can never do enough to please. I feel like I'm JUST (8 years later?) starting to discover who the Father IS, for a long time I had to just get rid of who he ISN'T.
you said it so well and heidi kinda put the cherry on top of the sundae we lots of times have to realize who God ISNT as we come to know who He IS!!!! your post made me think of that song *its just like Jesus*
I have a big favor to ask. I also am a survivor of a spiritually abusive church. On my blog, TH in SoC, I have been discussing my experiences in the abusive church I attended and my experiences with American evangelicalism after leaving my abusive church. I was wondering if you would like to send me your answers to some questions that I will be publishing in an upcoming post. The questions are as follows:
1.Could you briefly describe some of the abuse you encountered within an “evangelical” church? What did you do about it? Have you since joined another church?
2.My blog, TH in SoC, has discussed several problems relating to American evangelicalism. Do you agree with my assessment? Do you see any problems I missed?
3.Do you believe that churches in America are safe places? If not, what are two or three things that would make them safer?
If you leave your answers as a comment on http://thinsoc.blogspot.com, I'd really appreciate it. If you'd rather not, I certainly understand. And if you don't mind, I will post a link to your blog on my next post. If you'd rather not publish this comment, feel free to delete it. Thanks again!
Elizabeth, I would love if you would email me at capstone5@comcast.net
I think I might be able to shed some light on that question about God being mean -- especially because Jesus said that He and the Father are one. So there is really no way to separate the two. It is a pivitol question. I have struggled with it at an even deeper level. If He is sovereign, and if I was chosen from before the world began, then where was He when my early years were being rocked. Why was I not protected, sheltered, cared for, etc.
So if you interested in the extended thoughts on these matters please email me and I would love to start an ongoing dialogue with you.
steve
I can totally relate.....I grew up in a huge family and so I struggle with knowing the love of god.....he loves everyone the same so how can i be anything different or special? I am just one of a million, or a hundred, or eleven. I never had a problem with jesus though....his sweetness, tenderness, and 'come unto me' have soothed my wounded soul many times. anyway, please blog more.....
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