Sweet Confrentation

I don't know if what i did was right, or godly, or good, but i did it. My old Pastor, his wife, and their current pet project (poor fellow) were sitting not 3 feet away from me behind the glass front of the cafe i was passing. As i searched internally for my unlocked super power of invisibility, the pastor looked up, smiled and waved at me as if he couldn't have been happier to see me. For the next three steps i was in shock. This was the first time in 9 months that i had seen any of the leadership of my old church, none the less the pastor. The man that had kept me in bondage for 18 years and caused me and my family so much pain was sitting there waving and smiling at me. i kept walking, but before i could stop it, i looked back and glared at him. I looked forward and took another step then figured that i would already be the conversational topic of the week for my previous action, so i might as well fully commit and take the step i had dreamed so much about: Confronting the Pastor.

I turned around, walked in the door to the cafe and said, "Waving? Some of our closest friends won't even talk to us and you're going to go with waving?"

His smile disappeared, "Hey now, I didn't tell them not to talk to you."

"Then why don't you go tell them that they can?" I asked.

He paused ever so briefly then continued with, "It was their decision, and it was your parents decision to leave." he said commandingly as his wife with all the authority she could muster tried to silence me with, "We are in a public place, if your parents want to call us then..."

"NO." i interrupted "It was my decision to leave, don't just put me in with them. It was MY choice."

He softened his expression, and patted the seat next to him and playing up his softer and kinder southern accent said "here darling, come sit down and we will talk about it."

"No." I responded without skipping a beat, amazed that for the first time in my life i wasn't afraid, intimidated or in reverence of this man before me. "And don't play theses games with me." I finished. I then walked out, drove home, and cried. I went inside and told my mom about the confrontation. I didn't know if they would be mad at me for causing a scene (i didn't yell or anything, but it wasn't exactly nice), but instead she gave me a big smile and hugged me through my tears. She told me how proud she was of me for standing up and not playing their games. She told my dad about it and he was also thrilled. I stood there shocked as he told me that what i said was brilliant, and that he too was proud. That they supported me and whatever came of my run in.

And you know what? It felt good. It felt good not to have to pretend, to not have to wonder about what would happen when i finally did see my old leaders. And I'm proud of what i did and what i said. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me. Like i came away stronger. To know that i am no longer under them, subject to them or afraid of them. Like despite what they told me, i am stronger then they are! I am a kinder, more understanding, amazing person and nothing they said holds any weight anymore. They and their words are insignificant. I'm so much more then what my old church made me.