The High Aldwin

I watched Willow last night for the first time. I loved it! I loved the hobbit like Nelwyns, i swooned at Madmartigan's declaration of love for Princess Sorsha, but more then anything, the character of The High Aldwin (A minor character who was the head wizard of the Nelwyns) has stayed with me. He was very much a Dumbledore/Gandalf type of character. Truly wise and skilled, but looked at it all with humility and a sense of humor. If he reprimanded you it was with love and a smile, and just by looking at you, he could tell exactly what was in your heart. And even though this type of character rarely answers the actual questions that torment you, they always seem to answer the deeper questions of your heart.

Some days, i wish so much there were some Dumbledore like figure that i could go to. Someone old who has lived and watched life as it played out. Who has walked through the greatest of sorrows, and the greatest of joys. Who can tell just by looking into your eyes what is troubling your soul. Who answers your rantings and frustrations with exactly what you needed to hear.

I'm 22. I'm still so young. I don't have the opportunity that the elders do of having seen the passage of time. To know that every question and frustration fades away into something else. Right now all i see is the pain, the questions and the frustrations of the now, and when i look ahead, all i can see is them continuing on in unanswered and unending turmoil. I can't see like Aldwin or Dumbledore can. I Haven't watched as life plays out and seen pain turn into wisdom and healing, or anger and frustration give way to times of love and joy. But they seem to be able to. And when I'm near them, it's easy to trust them on it. it's easy to believe that everything is as it is supposed to be and at that moment, i don't feel as broken. I don't feel like the world is broken or fallen. I feel like all this is just life, and it's ok.

Most of it though, is that i think that they would look at me and care. They would care that i hurt. They would feel saddened to their depth that i hurt, and they wouldn't look away. Even if it was just for a moment, they would stand with me in my pain, and let me know that they wished for me to be well.